You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
