a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
they need to just BURY HIM!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
