So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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