I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
