I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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