you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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