...so i touched it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
