the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I want a musical about memes.
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