so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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