i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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