She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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