The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
