and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize