I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
