Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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