Someone shit on the floor
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
