just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
