Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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