I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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