I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
