i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I currently don't understand fingers.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
