either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
