I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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