New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
