everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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