??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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