there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
