What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
