He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
