i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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