i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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