If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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