why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
