how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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