The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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