I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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