Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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