i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
