is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
