What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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