You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
