Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
