I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
