Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
