fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
