At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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