The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
