If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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