Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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