At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Enjoy the penises
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
