Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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