You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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