butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
