Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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