but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
