I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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