Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
