Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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