My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
