I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
