Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
