Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it glows. i had to have it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
