Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
