Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
