I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
