i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
