Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize