you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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