I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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