why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
