I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
