This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize