i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
