Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
