I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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