I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
